Growing Up

I feel like I have been growing up quite  a lot recently and I don’t mean purely physically because I have remained 5’6″ for the past two years or so, I mean mentally I feel like I have become “me”. I remember the time when I collected Bratz dolls and played with Sylvannian Families all day without having to think of whether I had some homework due tomorrow. Sometimes I do find myself yearning for the nostalgia of childhood, particularly when I have had a bit of a stressful day, but I like seeing how far I have come. There’s nothing more uplifting than realising you might have learned something on the road. Now I live in a new city with new people and I even like new foods, though sometimes my childhood “ch-diet” (chips, cheese, chicken and chocolate) makes a cameo appearance it’s safe to say my childhood has been left behind. What I do when I reach these milestones is that I change something about me.

When I entered sixth form I cut in a fringe, when I went to prom to celebrate leaving High School I wore red lipstick for the first time in forever- it symbolised my metamorphoses from a fledgling to a fully formed adult, and when I went to university I changed my hair colour a bit. Now I want to chop off the locks again. I’ve been contemplating cutting my hair to something much shorter, around shoulder length, here’s why:

These past few months and years I have finally realised who I am as a person and that only I can do what makes me happy. While this was prompted by a guy called Keith with the tagline “no one else cares about you more than you” which sounds a bit negative, I made those changes. I cut people from my life who made me feel bad about myself or didn’t accept who I was, even if it meant severing a fourteen year old tie, and associated myself only with people who make me happy and seized some opportunities. Along this road I have found

a) That I am beautiful. My frizzy hair and chipped tooth might say otherwise but on the theme of metamorphoses I am no longer the ugly duckling, either that or I am just more comfortable with being one. But it’s not about that. I may be a twin but there is only one person like me out there, and that is me.

and

b) that I do have a voice…it’s just really quiet. I have found that I do have opinions and I do have things to say, which may be a part of why I am taking up blogging. It’s miles better to speak up than to hide how you feel for the sake of others. If they love you, they’d listen to you no matter what came out of your mouth. I’m slowly finding my roar.

So I am no longer the person who needs hair to hide behind when I am feeling embarrassed, shy or stupid; what’s life if we can’t make mistakes? My long hair has been part of me for well over a decade. It’s time that I cut loose from the person I used to be. My hair, like my past life, has became unhealthy and I need to chop bits off to make it good again. Besides. I like the new me.

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One thought on “Growing Up

  1. You are SO beautiful, Phie. I’m glad you’ve realised that so early on (now, get a bikini to wear on holiday whilst you’ve still got the stomach to pull it off without 6-months’ pre-holiday exercise). Your voice will get louder too, but it’s nice seeing you on the right path. Xx

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