I hate spiders, I’m scared of them. Tiny ones I can just about manage with a small amount of panic, and I can occasionally pluck up the courage to stand on one, but otherwise I run off. I am definitely more scared of the spider than it is of me. When I went to Reading I thought I’d be safe from all eight-legged monstrosities. The rooms seemed better sealed than the house with a plethora of holes and cracks back home and it was virtually impossible to have one come into my room.
I should have been warned when one of my flatmates regaled a story a couple of weeks back at how he woke up with a huge spider on his face, and I should have assumed that, now being ‘spider season’ I might come across one. Today was that day. I was laying on my bed reading one of mum’s posts when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I looked at it thinking it would just be some fluff that’s rolling in the breeze of the open window, but when I looked it was brown and WAY too fast to be rolling fluff….it was a spider *shudders*
My mouth made a squeaking noise and I instantly stood up on the bed, cowering and my skin crawling. Luckily Ed was here to save the day.
“ED!” I half shouted through the wall as he was in the shower “There’s a spider.” There was no response. Perhaps he thought I was being silly and could kill it myself like I had to when I was at home (Vie is more scared of dead spiders than alive ones) but it was a big spider, at least in my eyes, and there had been that huge thing earlier about flesh eating spiders. I did not want to go anywhere near that thing. Oh, but it was travelling towards the bed. I called for Ed again. Still no reply. I needed rescuing. I took a small window of opportunity and fled to the bathroom where I hoped it wouldn’t crawl through the gap between the door and the floor.
“There’s a spider!” I said.
“How big is it?” He asked. Big enough. Big enough for me to cower away, and hide..in a bathroom. He told me to give him a minute as he finished in the shower. No Ed, it needs to be killed now! I let him finish in the shower and fled back to my bed to keep an eye on it, giving a useful narrative. “It’s in my clothes……now it’s in YOUR clothes.”
Ed came out, in not much more than a towel, he had a piece of tissue ready in his hand for an attack on the spider. There was a moment of calm, like we were waiting in the trenches, as he started to pick up pieces of clothes to find the spider. I stared, not wanting to miss it if it if it started hurtling towards me with ferocious speed. Suddenly we were gladiators in the ring. I was the emperor demanding that blood be drawn in the arena, Ed was the gladiator, more specifically a bestiarius- skilled at fighting beasts (that would be the spider) and the game was on.
“Aaaaah!” Ed screamed when the spider unravelled itself from one of the shirts he was holding and it spilled onto the floor by the bed, it reminded me of so many other spider-stories. I backed away not wanting my flesh to be eaten or anything by the beast. Ed whacked a tissue-filled fist onto the ground, hopefully the spider was dead. It was not dead. It happened quickly, like any attack would. Ed telling the spider to die, me telling Ed to kill the spider. (spiders are the only times I get violent) and then, eventually, the spider dying. I let out a breath I had been holding while I waited for the combat to end. It was tense stuff.
“Now” I said “Flush it or throw it out of the window.” and so Ed flushed it.
I sat there, thinking about how I should write a post about this, because it was hilarious and terrifying, and perhaps because my step-dad used to share spider-news with Vie and I made me want to share it. Also thinking of other stories. There are too many to name here right now, perhaps it shall be another post later, and is an hour long dramatised conversation in itself, which one sparked up a huge chain of spider tales in a p.e lesson, but There we go.
“Don’t look in the toilet.” Ed says, finally coming out of the bathroom.
“Why?” I asked, thinking how could the spider possibly still be alive?
“The spider.” He replied. “It is dead. But it’s floating at the top.” Vie’s worst nightmare. And an idea that gives me the creeps. The lesson of this story is to always throw your spiders out of the window.