Everything Needs to be Practically Perfect (in every way)

Today I got back from my food shopping and found a piece of paper wedged through my door from my land-lady about how we needed to clean the room before we leave for the summer. Five minutes later there was another one pushed through the gap, which was odd as they could have just knocked, and told me more about cleaning. It’s a rather long list, that seems like a lot of demands to make to someone who didn’t even know how to clean a shower until a month ago, but I will have to do it. They did note that they could recommend cleaning services at a decent price (though even Mary Poppins could only do a decent job in some of the rooms) but knowing me I’d be too scared that they would judge me and I’d end up cleaning it anyway, so I will have to just whip out the rubber gloves.

1. vacuum carpets and wipe down windows and mirrors.

I don’t know why they put them both as one item on the list when they are clearly different tasks, but the point is it’s easy enough although when I wipe mirrors I always end up with these weird streaky marks where the cloth had been and I don’t know how to get rid of them

2. dust, polish and remove cobwebs throughout

I don’t like the sound of this. Where there webs there are usually spiders and I freak out about those, also a while back mum dusted in the kitchen and found spiders nesting behind a photo frame and the thought of it traumatised me. I do not want to dust the photo frames in my room.

3.wash down all paintwork and skirting boards. Remove finger and furniture marks off walls. 

Thank goodness the big blue mark mum left on my wall is gone and there are only a few marks left. I do, however, have a bigger problem at hand. Near my desk is a mysterious huge dent and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not sure they’d notice if I plastered and painted the walls but it’s a risk I do not want to take.

4. clean kitchen cupboards, walls and floors. Remove all contents

I find this an odd request to make to us as individuals as we have cleaners that come in to clean the kitchen floors and walls for us. If they cleaned it and each of us in the flat then the kitchen would be cleaned thirteen times and the chemicals would probably turn it into a radioactive zone. Removing the content is also iffy. I know they mean the cupboards but if there was a Neanderthal amongst us they might think we had to remove all the chairs and tables too and we’d be charged to replace them. However, the road signs in the room do need to leave or we’d be charged for having them there.

5. clean fridge and freezer and remove all food.

Finally! I have a justified reason to bin someone’s food when they put it in my freezer space and let it go iffy. I do hope no one has put ketchup in my fridge or it will never be cleaned away.

6. de-scale and clean sink, showers and screen, toilets, tiles & grout in your en-suit. 

Apart from the fact that our bedrooms have en-suites and I don’t really know what an en-suit is this sounds easy enough. I have learned how to clean the shower though to loo remains a bit of a mystery as the labels on it make it very vague what sort of products i’m allowed to use on it.

7. remove all rubbish from your room and communal areas. leave as is when you moved in. 

I have no qualms with this. However I refuse to tidy the communal living room as I have not even sat in it since November when it got taken over by the lads in the flat and I will not be held responsible for all the trash they leave in it. I hope it is them that cleans it up, and removes the signs as they are the ones who put them there.

8. collect anything that may be in laundry room

I think this may have been put there for anyone who may have forgotten that one exists since freshers week and is to let them know they may have some socks lying about. When I went in there the other day to wash some clothes and bedsheets there was a whole pile of stuff in the corner that had been neglected over the months.

We’ve then got to arrange an inspection of the room and flat which is probably going to be more ruthless than previous where last time they only looked at the shower and wall and left, and I didn’t have my room seen last time there was one. This time they need t look for damages and areas that need fixing, which means they’re probably going to be really fussy to get money from us. I really hope they don’t see the dent in the wall…what if I just stood there and covered it up like Satine does with Christian in the Moulin Rouge.

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2 thoughts on “Everything Needs to be Practically Perfect (in every way)

  1. I could face palm at some of this. How do you not know how to clean a toilet?! (Squirt toilet cleaner around bowl and wipe over everywhere else.) Also, the best way to clean a mirror without streaks is with a no-chemicals-required cloth. Just dampen part of it, wipe, then buff with the dry bit.
    Vacuum any cobwebs whilst you’re doing the carpet. All spiders get sucked up whilst being at the end of a long nozzle.
    PS Are we going to have anywhere to look at tomorrow?!! As Ian’s off to Brazil on Wednesday it’s now of never if you want some help really.

  2. Thank you for your sweet message on my post on Evelyn. Reading this story made me smile. I didn’t even know there were unwritten rules of how to clean certain parts of the house. I’ll write a letter to Mary and see if she’s got time to fly in to help you. Good luck.

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